Who am I as a Communicator?

This course has truly been one of self-reflection for me. I think everyone wants to believe that they are excellent communicators, but in reality each an every person has an area of communication that could use a little work. I have re-evaluated how I communicate and ways that I can be doing it better.

I used to always believe that I was a decent communicator and that if I had an issue I was able to confront people about it. Growing up I felt confident saying how I felt and approaching other people. My parents often discouraged this in me. They also led me to believe, through their behavior and words, that the things had to say were not important. So, to some extent I just stopped speaking altogether, since clearly it did not matter. Due to a relationship that became somewhat verbally abusive, where I was on the receiving end, I believe that this greatly affect how I communicate. I have become less comfortable communicating with others and I have become anxious about talking to people because I am afraid to upset people.

The older I have gotten, written forms of communication are the primary form of communication that I feel the most comfortable using. Sometimes leaving a note, or sending and an email or letter are easier for me to sort out my thoughts and I feel more comfortable communicating through that.

A friend of mine pointed out to me that I 'bottle everything up inside' and I need to learn to talk. I tried explaining to him my fears of talking and he told me that I needed to get over and let things go. Though I agree with him to an extent, this is much much easier said than done. You cannot just 'let things go' always. Some hurt takes a very long time to heal.

The two things that I have learned this week are:

1. I need to work on becoming more confident in my communication. It is not healthy for me to always be a good listener, but never have other people pay attention to me. 

2. Sometimes, in communication, compromises are necessary. I may not feel comfortable communicating in person, but other people may need to communicate that way. So, somehow we would need to come to an agreement about how to best communicate to meet each others needs.

Communicating with People from Different Cultures and People Groups

• Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures? I feel like there are certain times that I do communicate differently with people from different groups and cultures.
• If yes, in what ways do you communicate differently?Some of this I think is because of Cultural Myopia and some of it I think is just a natural part of communicating. I find that sometimes language barriers create differences in how I communicate with different people groups and cultures.  In the discussion board for this week, I explained the details of a story that I experienced where communication was difficult: " There have been times in my life where I have been less sensitive than I should have been to immigrants who have moved here that do not speak English. I had an attitude that, they came here so they should learn English. In time, I have come to understand that it is not right of me to have this attitude. Another thing that I have struggled with is other differences in culture. I worked at an hourly drop off service in a medical building for a few years. There were times when, not only would the language barrier cause difficulties, but so would the behavior of the children. There is a specific time that I remember where a mother and her sister were dropping off three children. The mother spoke very little English and the little boy, who was four, tried to help translate for us, but he was a little bit confused as well. The women left and I engaged the child and tried to play with him. The little boy was a little bit apprehensive at first, but as his time in my care progressed, he became very aggressive. He called me the B word and kicked me. I used what I know about early childhood development to try to gently correct his behavior and he spit in my face. It got to the point where I finally needed to locate the mother because the situation was getting out of hand and causing issues for the other children in my care. When the mother returned she would not look the little boy in the eye and did not say anything to me. The liaison who helped the mother that day and was actually a translated for her stopped later that day to discuss the situation. She explained to me that culturally the men, even the youngest of men, are dominant over women, which is why he kept calling me the B word and his mother would not look him in the eye. She told me that next time if I needed help she could assist me.  I was trying to be helpful and understanding, but this particular situation caused a lot of frustration for me. I do not set unrealistic expectations for children, but respect is one that I do have." I learned a lot from this experience and it has helped improve my communication with different people groups since then.I have learned ways to become more understanding toward others and also to adapt communication.

3 Strategies

1. One strategy that I would use to improve my communication with people from different groups and cultures would be to implement The Platinum Rule. Imagining what it must feel like to be the other person would be an effective way to increase my understanding and sensitivity toward them.
2. Find different ways to communicate other than verbal. There may be times when written communication may be more suitable than verbal communication.
3. My third strategy for improving my communication would be to think back to past experiences with the same issue. I need to let my experiences...negative and positive, make me a better person.

Communication Observed from Television

Show: The Big Bang Theory

Viewing of show with sound turned off: I do not regularly watch this show and I have only caught a little bit of an episode here or there while others were watching it. The title of show does not give away what it is about either. I noticed while watching it without the sound on that a couple of the characters use a lot of facial expression. The part of the show I watched with no sound took place in what looks like a college. I was able to observe some other body language from the characters. Some hand gestures and such, but it was really hard to tell what was going on at all. I think the characters are friends or possibly coworkers.

Viewing of show with sound turned on: Watching the show with the sound on did help things make more sense. I was able to hear the tone of voice that went along with the facial expressions I was seeing and I was also able to hear what they were saying to each other. When I had the sound turned on I was also able to hear the laughter that is on some comedy shows when something funny is said or done on the show. I think my assumptions definitely would have been more accurate if I had been watching a show I usually watch. I know the characters in the shows I watch and I am familiar with them. I also know what to expect. With these characters, it was difficult for me to follow some of it, partly because I am unfamiliar with it, partly because it is not a show that particularly interests me.

Reflection: It was interesting to me the difference that having the sound on and off had. I gained some information watching with the sound off, but turning the sound on certainly gave me a clearer understanding of what was going on. I do not watch a lot of television, but when I do watch television I typically watch reality shows, murder mystery shows or home and garden type shows. I was not able tell what the show was going to be able. I could see the characters interacting with one another, but it did not tell me a lot about how they communicate until I turned the sound on. With the sound on I was able to figure out what was going on much easier. This was an interesting assignment to me. After completing the assignment, it made me pay closer attention to the characters in the shows I do watch to see how they communicate.

Great Communicator

My father is a good communicator in public settings but on a personal level he has never been good at communicating with my family.

My dad is a doctor, so it is necessary for him to communicate with different individuals on a daily basis. I know that publicly he is very professional and uses good eye contact when he is speaking. When I was younger, rules in the medical field were different and at various times, I was allowed to do rounds with my dad when he would see patients who are in the hospital. I would watch him and the way he interacted with different people. I think my dad does a good job communicating on a professional level.

In my home there was a lack of communication. My parents would talk but not really communicate. Over time my mother just took care of everything, including my dad. It got to the point where they just wouldn't really communicate at all and my dad seemed to think everything was fine, but my mom was struggling. She has overcome this with time, but I think sometimes it still bothers her. I remember a few times growing up when I would try to say something to my dad or tell him about something and my dad would say, "Shh I'm trying to watch this." or he would simply turn the television up so he could not hear me.

Reflecting on this situation is interesting. I think one reason why I struggle with communicating with others in my life now is because in some ways I lacked  a model of what this should look like. I have had a hard time opening up to people. For me it has always been a matter of, if I just keep quiet and don't talk about it and let things go, then I can keep people happy. This has been proven wrong many times over, but it is still difficult for me. I have a fear of talking to people because I feel as though if I upset them, then they won't want me anymore. I also found this reflection about how my dad communicates interesting because I have not put much though into it before, but it is curious to think that people would communicate differently in different situations. In a professional setting he is a good active listener and he communicates well, but I always felt like at home it was a different story.